Because a ‘C’ in obedience is unacceptable.
What Happened
A recent court ruling has upheld Texas’s ability to mandate the display of the Ten Commandments in public school classrooms. This decision allows the state to implement a law requiring the biblical text to be prominently featured in educational settings, sparking discussions about the separation of church and state.
Our Take
Alright, alright, settle down folks! You know, sometimes the news drops a headline that just screams, ‘Okay, who had ‘ancient stone tablets in public schools’ on their bingo card?!’ Because, let me tell you, when I read ‘Texas can require public schools to display Ten Commandments in classrooms,’ my first thought wasn’t ‘Oh, how pious!’ It was ‘Man, recess just got way more intense.’
I’m picturing a poor third-grader trying to explain why they ‘coveted’ another kid’s Lunchables. ‘But Mrs. Henderson, it was the pizza ones! I couldn’t help it! The commandment didn’t say anything about pepperoni versus cheese!’ Or imagine gym class, and little Timmy trips over his shoelaces. Instead of ‘Are you okay?’, the coach just shouts, ‘Thou shalt not fall during dodgeball!’ The pressure!
And what about the practicalities? Are they going to be carved into the whiteboards? ‘Okay class, for today’s math lesson, we’re going to use the Roman numerals on the Seventh Commandment to calculate the square root of ‘Thou shalt not bear false witness.’ Show your work!’ Good luck with that, kids. Is it going to be laminated, like the fire escape plan? Or is it a full-on, Moses-style, chiseled-from-stone tablet? Because if it’s the latter, those school maintenance budgets are about to go through the roof. ‘We need a forklift for the new curriculum display!’
And let’s not even get started on the school talent show. Instead of ‘Mary had a little lamb,’ it’s going to be a dramatic reading of Leviticus. And the science fair? Forget volcanoes, it’ll be dioramas of the parting of the Red Sea. I mean, points for creativity, but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t count as an experiment.
Honestly, I just hope they consider the ergonomics. You can’t expect a first grader to crane their neck to read ‘Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image’ from the ceiling. Maybe they’ll have a pop-up book version? Or, even better, a Ten Commandments TikTok trend. ‘Step 1: Honor thy father and mother! Hashtag blest, hashtag familygoals!’
It’s like someone looked at the chaotic energy of an elementary school and thought, ‘You know what this needs? More immovable moral stone. That’ll calm things down.’ Newsflash: kids are already trying to figure out if sharing their glitter glue counts as ‘not coveting thy neighbor’s craft supplies.’ This just adds another layer of existential dread to their finger painting. Bless their little hearts.
💬 “Is ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ why Billy took my crayon?” — 💬 “My back, Jerry!” — 💬 “Just… two more feet…” — 💬 “And remember your multiplication tables!”
Inspired by: Texas can require public schools to display Ten Commandments in classrooms, court rules – AP News
