Because clean plumbing is discriminatory.
What Happened
A recent report details how promised installations of new septic tanks for underserved communities were halted after being labeled ‘illegal DEI’ by Donald Trump. This decision has left many families in difficult living conditions.
Our Take
Alright, folks, gather ’round, because if you thought your Monday was bad, imagine being promised a brand-spanking-new septic tank, the kind that lets you flush without fear, the kind that makes your plumbing dreams come true! And then… BAM! Your dreams get hit with a ‘BANNED!’ sticker by none other than the guy who thinks a gold toilet is peak interior design.
So, picture this: you’re just a regular person, minding your own business, dreaming of a world where your backyard doesn’t smell like a forgotten science experiment. You get a little twinkle in your eye, a little skip in your step, because new septic tanks are on the horizon! You’re thinking ‘Finally, I can invite people over without apologizing for the ‘earthy’ aroma.’ You’re picturing actual, functioning plumbing, maybe even a bid to host the neighborhood BBQ!
Then, from the heavens (or, you know, a news article), drops the bomb: ‘Illegal DEI.’ Illegal? For a septic tank? What, is the septic tank trying to get into an Ivy League school it’s not qualified for? Is it attempting to diversify the sewage system? Are we worried it might start a grassroots movement for more inclusive waste management? I mean, I’ve heard of ‘draining the swamp,’ but this is a whole new level of ‘draining the drain.’
I guess we’re saying that if your septic tank isn’t the *most* privileged, *most* deserving septic tank, then it’s just not going to make it. Forget about the basic human right to not live in a swamp. Forget about modern sanitation. If your septic tank can’t pull itself up by its bootstraps (which, by the way, would be incredibly difficult for a septic tank), then it’s just ‘illegal DEI.’
I bet next they’ll say ‘illegal DEI’ for paved roads. ‘Why should *that* road get paved? What about all the *other* roads that aren’t getting paved? It’s just not fair!’ Meanwhile, we’re all driving on gravel and hoping our cars don’t disintegrate.
So, if you’re out there, waiting for your septic tank, just know that it might be battling a bureaucratic nightmare of ‘diversity, equity, and inclusion’ accusations. And if your toilet backs up, it’s not a plumbing issue, it’s a political statement. You heard it here first, folks!
💬 “But… it was promised!” — 💬 “Illegal, you say?”
Inspired by: They Were Promised New Septic Tanks. Trump Called It ‘Illegal DEI.’ – The New York Times
