Because beige water is just so last season.
What Happened
A nonprofit organization has filed a lawsuit against the federal government to halt plans that would involve painting the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool a shade of blue. The specific reasons behind the government’s plan or the nonprofit’s objection to the color change were not detailed beyond the proposed alteration.
Our Take
Alright, people, gather ’round, because if you thought Washington D.C. was only about serious policy and dignified monuments, you are sorely mistaken. We’ve got news so absurd, it could only come from a place where someone thought a gas tax holiday was a novel idea. Forget the Iran War, forget the mayor resigning because he was secretly working for *another* country (I mean, classic D.C., am I right?). No, the real scandal, the true drama unfolding, is about… paint. Yes, PAINT! Apparently, some nonprofit, bless their cotton socks, decided the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool was just too… reflecting. Too *natural*. Too *beige*. And they’re like, ‘You know what this iconic, historical landmark needs? A touch of… electric blue!’ I’m picturing it now: tourists arriving, expecting solemn contemplation, and instead they find themselves at the world’s largest, most passive-aggressive swimming pool. Are we trying to match the sky? Are we trying to make it look like a giant Windex spill? Is it a tribute to Avatar? Or maybe, just maybe, someone at the nonprofit really, really likes Smurfs. I bet their office is just overflowing with blue paint samples, arguing over ‘azure versus cerulean’ with the ferocity usually reserved for Supreme Court nominations. And of course, the federal government is getting sued! Because in America, if you don’t like someone’s interior design choices for a national monument, you don’t just complain on Yelp; you take them to court! I can only imagine the legal arguments: ‘Your Honor, the natural tranquility of the pool has been compromised by this audacious aquatic hue!’ And the defense: ‘But Your Honor, it’s *pop art*! It’s *bold*! It’s *refreshing*! It’s environmentally friendly… probably!’ Next thing you know, the Washington Monument will be getting a fresh coat of glitter, and the Capitol Building will be sporting a giant inflatable rubber duck on its dome. Honestly, if they want to make things interesting, they should just fill it with ball pit balls. Now *that* would attract some tourism. Just imagine the selfies! ‘Me, at the Lincoln Memorial Ball Pit, totally getting lost in the history!’ It’s either that or we embrace the blue and start selling ‘Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool: Blue Edition’ merchandise. Who wants a ‘Smurf Blue’ commemorative coffee mug? This is peak absurdity, folks, and I am here for it. Let’s make America blue again… literally!
💬 “IT’S FOR THE AESTHETICS!” — 💬 “MY BACK!”
Inspired by: Nonprofit sues the federal government over plans to paint Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool blue – NPR
