Frontier: ‘We’re not just flying, we’re *impacting*.’
What Happened
A Frontier Airlines plane at Denver International Airport reported hitting an unknown individual on the runway. This tragic incident highlights severe safety breaches and leads to an investigation into how a trespasser gained access to an active runway, resulting in a fatality.
Our Take
Alright, folks, gather ’round, because if you thought *your* Monday was bad, let me tell you about Frontier Airlines and their new ‘extreme airport bingo’ game. The headline reads: “‘We just hit somebody’ – Frontier Airlines plane kills runway trespasser at Denver airport.” Now, I’m not saying I *want* to be on a plane that’s playing bumper cars with local wildlife, but if I am, I at least want to know if it’s frequent flyer miles or a new ‘crash bonus’ I’m racking up.
Seriously though, ‘We just hit somebody’? Is this a flight announcement or my inner monologue after trying to navigate a crowded grocery store on a Saturday? I imagine the pilot, mid-air, with a sudden ‘thump,’ then leans into the intercom like, ‘Uh, folks, this is your captain speaking. And also maybe… a coroner? We’re not sure. We think we might have just introduced a runway trespasser to the concept of existential dread, very, very quickly. Complimentary peanuts are still available, though! They might help with the existential dread *you’re* currently feeling.’
And who is this ‘runway trespasser’? Was it a squirrel with a tiny briefcase, late for an important acorn delivery? A particularly ambitious pigeon trying to set a new land speed record? Or maybe, just maybe, it was that one guy who always runs through the terminal screaming about the illuminati, and he just decided to take his act to the tarmac. Either way, this is less ‘air travel’ and more ‘live-action game of Frogger.’
I bet the flight attendant had to put on their ‘everything is fine’ smile, which, after hearing ‘we just hit somebody,’ immediately morphs into ‘I’m screaming internally and questioning all my life choices.’ They’re probably thinking, ‘Is this what they meant by *turbulence*? Because this feels a lot less like bumpy air and a lot more like a moral quandary at 200 miles an hour.’
And let’s not forget the poor passengers. They just wanted to get to Denver, maybe hit up a dispensary or enjoy some Rocky Mountain oysters (don’t google it if you don’t know, trust me). Instead, they get a complimentary ‘crime scene investigation’ experience before they even touch down. I can hear it now: ‘For your safety, please remain seated until all evidence has been collected.’
So, next time you’re flying, spare a thought for the ground crew and the airborne crew. Because apparently, sometimes, the biggest hazard isn’t the guy next to you with the smelly tuna sandwich, it’s whatever decided to try and beat the plane in a footrace. Stay safe out there, folks. And maybe, just maybe, don’t run on the runway. It’s bad for your health. And the plane’s reputation.
💬 “Did we just hit…” — 💬 “…my lunch break?!”
Inspired by: ‘We just hit somebody’ – Frontier Airlines plane kills runway trespasser at Denver airport – BBC
