My AI now judges my typing speed.
What Happened
Microsoft is reportedly developing and testing a new wearable AI gadget specifically designed for office workers. The device aims to enhance productivity and assist with various tasks in a corporate environment.
Our Take
Alright, folks, gather ’round, because we’ve got a headline that’s not just news, it’s a peek into our terrifying, inevitable future: ‘Microsoft testing wearable AI gadget aimed at office workers.’ Oh, joy! Just what we needed, another thing watching us while we pretend to work. My current AI just corrects my spelling, and honestly, that’s already a judgment I didn’t ask for. I misspelled ‘definitely’ three times yesterday, and I swear my laptop sighed. Now imagine a *wearable* AI!
So, picture this: Brenda, our hero, who just wants to get through her Tuesday without accidentally replying-all to a company-wide email with a cat meme. She’s got this sleek, glowing AI contraption strapped to her head. It’s supposed to make her more efficient. But what it’s really doing is judging her coffee intake, her bathroom breaks, and the fact that she’s been staring at the same spreadsheet for twenty minutes wondering if ‘synergy’ is a real word or just something HR made up to make us feel bad about our lives.
I bet this AI will start with helpful reminders: ‘Brenda, you haven’t moved in 47 minutes. Would you like a gentle electric shock?’ Then it escalates: ‘Brenda, your posture is unacceptable. I have automatically ordered you a standing desk, a chiropractor, and a stern talking-to from your mother.’ Before you know it, it’s giving you performance reviews in real-time. ‘Brenda, that last email was 7% too informal. Also, your sigh rate has increased by 120% since 9 AM.’ I can hear it now: ‘Brenda, your internal monologue about wanting a nap is negatively impacting your focus. Please re-engage with ‘Q3 Projections for Synergistic Optimization.’
And what about the side effects? Will we start developing strange AI-induced ticks? Will we accidentally start talking like our gadgets? ‘Good morning, Brenda. Initiating coffee sequence. Please input caffeine preference.’ I already talk to my toaster, now I’ll be talking to my head! This isn’t productivity; this is a tiny, judgmental boss glued to your skull. I’m just waiting for the update where it learns to judge your outfit. ‘Brenda, that sweater is not projecting ‘innovative disruptor.’ Please proceed to the nearest professional attire vendor.’
Honestly, I’m just glad my current AI only tells me the weather. If it ever tells me ‘Brenda, you look tired,’ I’m throwing it in a lake. Or, more realistically, putting it on eBay with a note: ‘Slightly used, comes with existential dread.’
💬 “ARE YOU TYPING OR NAPPING?” — 💬 “JUST ONE MORE COFFEE!”
Inspired by: Microsoft testing wearable AI gadget aimed at office workers – BBC
