When ‘take the wheel’ is taken *literally*.
What Happened
Recent photos have emerged showing Kim Jong Un’s teenage daughter driving a tank, sparking widespread speculation about her potential role as her father’s successor. The images have intensified discussions about the future leadership of North Korea.
Our Take
Alright, folks, gather ’round, because today’s news has me simultaneously terrified and utterly delighted. We’re talking about Kim Jong Un’s teen daughter, apparently out there test-driving TANKS. Not, like, a beat-up ’98 Honda Civic, but a full-blown metal beast of war. And it’s sparking ‘heir talk.’ Heir talk! My parents started ‘heir talk’ when I turned 30 and still hadn’t figured out how to use a can opener without adult supervision. My heir talk was more about who would get my collection of novelty socks, not who would inherit a nuclear arsenal.
Can you even imagine that driving lesson? Forget parallel parking; she’s probably learning how to parallel-destroy a small village. The driving instructor must be earning hazard pay that requires a second mortgage on his soul. “Alright, sweetie, remember to check your blind spot… which is, you know, everything behind a two-ton armoured vehicle.” And signaling? Pfft. Her signal is probably the sound of a 120mm cannon firing a warning shot at a pigeon.
And the photos! You just know they’re like, Instagram-filtered to within an inch of their lives. #TankLife #GirlBoss #JustRanOverADecoratedGeneral #Oopsie. Her dad’s probably standing there, beaming with paternal pride, wiping a tear from his eye. “That’s my girl! She’s got her mother’s looks and her father’s… well, let’s just say ‘assertiveness’ behind the controls of a military vehicle.”
Most teenagers just want a car so they can sneak out and go to parties. This kid wants a tank so she can… well, who knows? Maybe she just wants to get to the mall without traffic. “Move it, plebs! I’ve got a Cinnabon craving that only a tracked vehicle can satisfy!” Forget ‘Are we there yet?’ Her version is ‘Are we flattening enough stuff yet?’
I just picture the driving test. The DMV instructor, clearly regretting every life choice that led him to this moment, nervously clutching a clipboard. “Okay, now perform a three-point turn… without destroying the entire block… or accidentally invading a neighboring country.” And then she gets her license, and it’s probably engraved on a solid gold plate, with a picture of her giving a triumphant thumbs-up from the tank’s turret. Meanwhile, I’m still trying to renew my license online, and it keeps asking if I’m a robot. I am, in fact, not a robot, but I’m also not driving a tank, so maybe I need to up my game.
This is just peak absurdity. While my teen self was perfecting my ‘cool’ walk and trying to impress the cute barista, this kid is out here commanding heavy machinery. It really puts my own teenage angst into perspective. My biggest problem was a zit; hers is probably figuring out how to park a tank without violating international airspace. The struggle is real, folks. The struggle is very, very real.
💬 “MY FIRST SOLO!” — 💬 “OH SWEET LOR-“
Inspired by: Photos of Kim Jong Un’s teen daughter driving a tank spark heir talk – USA Today
