My tax dollars at work.
What Happened
The U.S. Army is investigating an incident where two military helicopters reportedly flew extremely low over musician Kid Rock’s swimming pool, with reports suggesting he saluted them. The unusual fly-by prompted an official review by military authorities.
Our Take
Alright, folks, gather ’round, because if you thought your neighbor’s pool party got out of hand, you haven’t seen anything yet. We’ve got a headline here that reads: ‘Army reviewing after helicopters hovered alongside Kid Rock’s swimming pool as he saluted.’ Now, first off, I gotta say, Kid Rock’s swimming pool. Just picture it. Is it shaped like a giant guitar? Does it have a swim-up bar that serves PBR exclusively? My money’s on yes, to both. And ‘saluted.’ Not ‘waved,’ not ‘threw up the horns,’ but a full-on, crisp, military-grade salute. Probably while wearing American flag speedos and a cowboy hat. The man understands patriotism, even if the Army might be a little confused about the definition of ‘tactical training exercise.’
I mean, I’ve had neighbors who complain about my overgrown hedges, but imagine having to explain to your HOA that two Black Hawk helicopters were creating a hurricane in your backyard because a celebrity was feeling particularly patriotic. ‘Oh, you wanted to enjoy your afternoon dip? Sorry, Bob, we’ve got a national hero performing aerial choreography over his chlorinated oasis!’ You just know the guy trying to grill a hot dog on the next block had his patio furniture spontaneously disassemble itself. Probably thought World War III just started over a misplaced flamingo floatie.
And the Army is ‘reviewing’ this. REVIEWING it! What’s the review process like? ‘Sergeant, did you ascertain the correct coordinates for the strategic high-value target? Sir, yes sir. Was the target a multi-million dollar asset of national security? Sir, affirmative, it was a replica of a Budweiser can that doubles as a cooler. Did the target, Kid Rock, acknowledge your presence with a salute? Sir, it was more of a splashy, enthusiastic flail, but we’re counting it.’ I bet the pilots were just trying to get a selfie for Instagram. ‘Squad goals, brah! #KidRockChopperChallenge.’
This isn’t military precision, this is extreme fan service. I can just hear the radio chatter: ‘Actual, this is Bravo Foxtrot Two-Zero, requesting permission for close-air support of a backyard barbecue. Over.’ And command’s like, ‘Negative, Two-Zero, stick to the flight path.’ But then someone whispers, ‘It’s Kid Rock,’ and suddenly, ‘Permission granted, Two-Zero, engage with maximum patriotism! Bring that chopper down low, make some waves!’ Honestly, I’m just picturing the homeowner who lives next door. They probably just finished cleaning their gutters, and now their entire yard is covered in pine needles, pool water, and the faint smell of freedom and burnt propane. What a world. What. A. World.
💬 “HONOR! RESPECT!” — 💬 “Are we sure this is strategic?”
Inspired by: Army reviewing after helicopters hovered alongside Kid Rock’s swimming pool as he saluted – NPR
