Expected a storm, got a puddle.
What Happened
Tropical Storm Bertha delivered some of its most significant weather, including rainfall and wind, hundreds of miles inland rather than impacting coastal regions as typically expected for such storms.
Our Take
Alright, gather ’round, folks, because this headline is a true masterpiece of meteorological mischief! ‘Some of Tropical Storm Bertha’s worst weather is 800 miles inland.’ Eighty. Hundred. Miles. Inland. My friends, that’s not a tropical storm; that’s a tropical storm’s *cousin* who decided to take a very, very long road trip and forgot to bring the actual party. We’re talking about a storm that peaked, went ‘Nah, I’m good, thanks,’ and then sent its *receipt* for the bad weather inland. It’s like ordering a pizza and getting a text message 800 miles away saying, ‘Your pizza just burped.’ Not the same thing, folks!
I mean, can you imagine? You’re sitting there, in Nebraska, maybe, or Kansas, miles from any ocean, and suddenly your local weather report is like, ‘Heads up, folks! Tropical Storm Bertha is bringing… *mildly damp* conditions to your potato fields! Grab your slightly soggy umbrellas!’ And everyone’s just looking around, ‘Bertha? Who’s Bertha? Did she leave her socks here?’
This isn’t a storm; it’s a rumor of a storm. It’s the ghost of bad weather past, haunting the prairies. It’s like Bertha herself took a wrong turn at Albuquerque, got hopelessly lost, and then just shrugged and said, ‘Well, I guess I’ll just slightly inconvenience these cornfields now.’
My favorite part is picturing the weather forecasters. They’ve got their fancy maps, their satellite imagery, and then one guy just squints and says, ‘Wait, is that… a rogue drizzle… near a tractor convention? Yep, that’s Bertha. She’s really letting loose over there with… a light mist.’ And then they have to report it with a straight face!
Honestly, I prefer my tropical storms to actually be, you know, TROPICAL. And STORMY. If it’s 800 miles inland, it’s just ‘weather.’ Possibly ‘weird weather.’ Maybe ‘weather that forgot its way home.’ But definitely not a tropical storm. This is the kind of weather event that makes you question everything you thought you knew about geography and the commitment of precipitation. Bertha, you’re officially grounded from the coast!
💬 “WHERE’S THE HURRICANE?!” — 💬 “JUST… ENJOY IT, DEAR.”
Inspired by: Some of Tropical Storm Bertha’s worst weather is 800 miles inland – The Washington Post
